As I was in the shower I ran through all the things that I wanted to talk about (in fact, this first line is premeditated). I sat on the shower floor as I always do because for some reason I hate standing up, and I thought to myself "what is it about living or trying to relive my past that makes me so happy?" (for future reference please exclude in poor use of grammar, spelling, or punctuation marks. I'm community college worthy, what can I say? JK) Anyways... So I thought this to myself and could not understand why the shock of High School being over had not yet past yet. I am like culture shocked, No... I am time shocked. I can't seem to grasp it. I'm not 17 anymore. Instead I am this 21 year old, depressed, cynical, unmotivated woman. Ugh! The word woman scares me. And to top it all off, I can't even use punctuations properly for fucks sake!
To continue on with my theory of being "Time Shocked", I'm afraid it's going to last me the rest of my life. How does the rest of the world not dwell on the loss of their childhood? I guess they are the people who are doing so much more with their lives. As opposed to me: I mean when I was 17 I could not wait to get out of High School. I thought big things were going to happen for me the moment my big toe stepped into the cemented cracks of the real world. In fact I was certain. I was certain Quentin Tarantino and I would casually pass each other by on Ventura Blvd. some time, where he would instantly stop me and say "You are stunning, Please be in my new movie". Four years later and I still expect that to happen.So Quentin, if you are reading this I will be on Ventura tomorrow at 3 o'clock.
You can imagine my feelings when on my 18th birthday this still hadn't happened. I mean I was supposed to be like Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face for christ sake!
Do you remember Live Journal? Last night I torchered myself by reading 100 old posts from 2005, written by a girl I was obsessed with during my "bi-sexual" era. What is wrong with me? Here I am at midnight; reading and reliving through 100 of these stupid posts that have "fucking this and that" in every other line. (Unfortunately the school systems seem to be failing our children). Not only and I obsessed with time but I am also obsessed with living or seeing other peoples experiences. The same reason we all tune into Jersey Shore or if you are above the MTV generation: The Tudors. Right? We love to witness what these people are going through. So different from what we live. It's the same reason we love going through other peoples photos on facebook. I am guilty of it. I look at friends college picture, realizing what I have missed out on by not going to a 4 year college. Or friends High School pics while I think "God, I would have liked to be one of those Laguna Beach type girls". Either way, It's all meant to depress us, so fuck the Social Network.
Since this is my first post, I've decided to end it as such until I can think of ways to actually make it appealing to readers.
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